Attachment Rupture

Helping Baby Sleep (See Palladio end of term report 12/22/10),
p. 84
re  babies' brains "left swimmining in stress hormones" and don't recieve the reinforcement of re-attunement with parents during and following a stressful experience in the new world they have entered.

Goldi noted during Saturday's family dinner at the Boathouse: "We shouldn't be surprised that parents feel tremendous anxiety at the start of the military nature of csellp training...for heaven's sake our natural compulsion biologically speaking is to protect andcomfort our offspring...not separate from them and allow themselves to wail themselves into a toxic chemical stupor."

...Hurray, Goldi! You never mince words. "From God's mouth to Goldi's ears..."  Ora proclaimed into the microphone over waves of applause.

Parents seeking peace of mind? Delve into Natural and Logical Consequences ...it will be worth your time!

Natural and logical consequences date back to Haim Ginott in the sixties

...his wisdom is shared from decades of studying children's thinking and behaving.  Parents and teachers seeking need a basic, simple, and effective principle for developing children's capacity to make informed choices habitually.  Natural and logical consequences evokes a child's ability to think and choose.

Haim Ginott is a classic in the field of child psychology.  His guidance flows from what is currently today best practices from wide knowledge bases: child development, attachment theory, self-efficacy, and neuropsychology.  The principle of natural and logical consequences operates in the home and classroom as simply and effectivly as that basic invention, the wheel!

The wheel works across time, because it fits reality. It's organic, it flows from reality. The same is true of  natural consequences, which evolve into use of logical consequences. Better than coddling, excusing, overlooking, or pretending with kids. "Reality therapy" is what Haim Ginott called this application of his life's work with kids. He encouraged parents and teachers to use reality therapy with kids at home and in school. If we all followed his advice consistently, we might have been able to purchase condos on the moon by now!

Just the same, as I sift through the new books for those who develop youth, I am glad to see some authors returning to the classics.  And newbies to parenting and teaching are finding that too many babies were tossed out with the bathwater. Strategies, based on principles that form from solid knowledge of child development  work here and now because they make sense...did then, do now! 

Take a look at Rules in School. Encourage parents to visit the Global Parent Academy blogspot to learn how to practice these tried and true strategies at home!

Goldi & Ora: Daily Now! ...The Art and Science of Parenting

Tune into Internet radio programming, Daily Now!,  6:30-7 a.m. Monday through Friday.  CEU credits are available and packets can be downloaded from Daily Now! Parents collaborating receive additional credit.
Goldi & Ora's launch topic?  Peaceful Parents - Block by Block ....
How Parents Build Peace of Mind @ Home, around Home, and through Home's work

Palladio scholar, Nadja Primbatova, has defined her Contribution of Great Merit in the field of journalism and newscasting!  Nadja will serve the good of her country and New York City through hosting and broadcasting our esteemed Emeritus Professors ...Goldi & Ora, live now from Tillson, through each morning's edition of The Art and Science of Parenting.

Preparations have been underway since Ms. Primbatova returned in June from her native Kazakhstan. 

Helping Kids Stay with It

When a series of chores or tasks needs completion, making a numbered list facilitates action because

1. we can read what needs to be accomplished in order to alot the time needed
2. a list let's us know what is expected from start to finish ... so we can ask clarifying questions before we  even begin
3. a list lets us know what is expected from start to finish ... so our mind can begin rehearsing each step and linking them one after the other in our minds
4. a list let's us know what is expected from start to finish ... so we can predict when we will be done (and begin already to relish that experience of completion)! 
5. a list becomes our anchor (the place we come back to after we complete each step) ...so we don't need to hold all the items in our mind (which interfers with being fully present during a task)
6. if we get distracted at any point, and go off-task, we have a place to come home to...Our List!
7. after each completion, we can enjoy highlighting, checking, or crossing it off ... indicating accomplishment. This builds awareness of self-efficacy!
8. after each completion: highlighing, checking, or crossing it off -can build to our sense of order
9. order and accomplishment enhances our self trust 
10.  self trust builds self-esteem  ... leading us to set realistic goals

Research News from Carol Dweck, Ph.D.: "Effort, not Smarts"

A is very different from Z.

A is like and upside down V.

When learning the alphabet visually, learners require less instructional intervention to differentiate A from Z.  Remembering that A is not V seems to pose more challenge.

Knowing this perceptual axiom operates in human learning, think about how you would  rate (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) the following pairs for ease of differentiation (1=hard to differentiate; 5=easy to differentiate):

1. A vs O
2. A vs B
3. C vs O
4. I vs. O
5. E vs B
6. T vs I
7. D vs A
8. D vs O
9. F vs E
10. F vs B

Through this exercise, we learn that the more features item or event (x) has in common with another item/event (y), the more thoroughly we must examine their similarities and differences in order to tell them apart.  

Practical Application for Parents and Teachers: 

If we want our children to more quickly change their behaviors from the kind we disapprove of to the kind we approve of then we must make it easy for them to differentiate.  Smiles and affable talk clearly indicate parents and teachers approve of the behavior displayed.  Neutral face with a firmly stated "No"(or some equivalent of "No") typically indicates disapproval -with an explicit or implicit invitation to shift to an approved behavior.

We make it  hard for chidren learn to control their impulses (i.e.,  master the necessary shifting to approved behaviors)  when we muddle our verbal, voice tone, and body language cues.  When we mix communication features of a YES vs NO, we delay the development of impulse control.  We make it harder for learners to distinctions between our "approving" and "disapproving" responses to their behaviors.  This delays development of their ability to eventually "self-regulate."

We send mixed messages to our children when we disapprove but smile ... or talk sweetly. this hardly means adults need to speak harshly or loudly or use aggressive strategies like character assassination, disparaging labels, cruelty or meanness.  A simple statement of disapproval  -coupled with natural/logical consequences - consistently applied will do more to shape behavior, than punishment, or enduring parental exasperation. 

 The more important it is to select an appropriate response to x vs y, the more important it is to differentiate between them.  This is true for all life forms, regardless of age or species.  Parents and teachers who cultivate paying positive attention to children, build up a positive emotional/relational bank account!  When children get the positive guidance and consistent attention needed to strengthen bonds as children evolve - they are less likely to seek attention through unpleasant and irritating means. They are also more likely to engage those things we want them to accomplish when they have recieved recognition for these things consistently in the past.

Dr. Carol Dweck, Ph.D. reminds us also to be very careful to recognize and reward the effort exerted.  When focus is placed on the effort given a task, children learn that time and accuracy matter -which they do.  The single greatest factor determining school success is time on task.  Just spending time on a task, without persistent effort to become more accurate, just makes us better at being inaccurate! Practicing reading books that are too hard for us, turns us off from reading, and does nothing to build fluency and vocabularly.  Careless practice of anything simply reinforces carelessness.

Dr. Dweck reminds us that children who have been admired and recognized for their "cleverness" or "smartness," (in contrast to the effort they willingly engage), eventually refrain from engaging anything that is not immediately easy and rewarding.  Their positive identities have been tied to being so clever or being so smart...they do not want to risk diminishing this image -so they begin to decline challenges, become defensive.  As they age they learn different ways to hide the fact that they do not really know -and asking for help becomes a sign they are no longer "smart" enough, "clever" enough.

To avoid this result, be observant of the many opportunities we have in a morning, day, weekend, and week to "outloud" recognize our children's effort and those specific behaviors displayed while exerting these efforts.  When we consistently  recognize and compliment specific efforts, our children will also.  this is how children continue to grow in competancy and self-esteem.  They come to realize that growth is change...and the effort they exert makes change reliable.

EXAMPLE: I notice you put our clothes for tomorrow out on the chair as I asked you.  You did it the first time I asked you.  You did not whine or complain.  Also, you cheerfully asked me questions about whether or not this or that peice of clothing was appropriate for school.  You even walked into the kitchen to ask your wuestions, instead of yelling from the other room.  I really appreciate the time you took and each of your efforts to follow my guidance.  You did it on time!  And you aksed for my help in pleasant ways.  I am proud of the ways you are working to help yourself grow more skillful.

Amplifying Good Moments ... See Dream Builder link!

Our Global Parents from Sheep Meadow report substantial gains over the past four months from reading and applying inspiration offered through Mary Manin Morrissey's Daily Dream Builder.  Sheep Meadow families highly recommend accessing the daily words of wisdom -brief and as Mary forecasts, "arriving in your life exactly when you need it."


The link below allows you to subscribe free of charge to the Dream Builder, and consider development opportunities Mary offers.  Our Research and Development Team has just received a generous endowment from Columbia to pair TeacherInterns with Global Parents who currently sponsor a Child-in-Need transitioning this year from our Delacorte Plaza Campus to the Upper School Armory Campus.  


The good derived from pairing teacher interns with a global parent team will be on-going and on-site support for parents, direct daily liaison-communication with classroom teachers, and more immediate daily access to crucial interventions for each child.  These connections enhance the value of collaboration and real partnership among our Developmental Guardians, Councils, and Consortiums.


As today's Dream Builder focused on the power of acknowledgement.  Mary's anecdote may remind you, as it did me, that our everyday is chuck-full of energy-raising encounters!  And we can expand the potential of these encounters to generate even more good when we pause to acknowledge such effects upon us.


So try it out for yourself as the Sheep Meadow families have... when we experience something good, pause and feel it...name it, give it space and time in our awareness ...and then share it with someone near or far.  Acknowledge the power of bits of goodness actively enhancing not only our perception of good, but enhancing our experience of the good coming to us, coming through us (and those around us)!


This process actually weaves 'wonderful' into our moments both alone and together.  As Marshall B. Rosenberg reminds us, through growing our capacity to communicate,  we discover ways of making the world just a little more wonderful for ourselves and each other.   The power of acknowledgement  expands the power kernelled* within each bit of good - good that ordinarily, if not for you, might have been simply 'overlooked.'


As always, blog...blog...blog ... It's the wave of Our Future!


www.MaryMorrissey.com


* Children's Coin-a-Word Challenge: If the noun kernel is spelled K E R N E L, how would we spell past tense of its verb form? What spelling rule helps you decide this? Send your responses to Bella in the Saratoga Word Ministry.

Guardians Report from Center for Children and Families

Guardians attending  Symposium on Human Nature and Early Experience are grateful for the financial support  allowing them travel to Notre Dame's Center for Children and Families.   The blogging hasn't slowed down yet since their return to Palladio last week!  This year's focus Addressing the "Environment of Evolutionary Adaptiveness," offers our new research forum in the Global Parent Network at Palladio precisely the position and rationale that our longterm practitioners hoped to substantiate and promote to parents worldwide. 


Visit http://ccf.nd.edu/symposium/ to review two foundational leads:

1. How Early Life Matters
2. Parenting Effects and Modern Cultural Practices

Just yesterday, our Principal Investigator, posted the "All Call" for quality websites that promote parents' intuitive desire to be senstive to infant/toddler sleep development. Our research forum has firmed connections with Darcia Narvaez,Ph. D.,  her research team and longitudinal results...
http://al.nd.edu/news/16831-research-shows-child-rearing-practices-of-distant-ancestors-foster-morality-compassion-in-kids/


Together with Dr. Narvaez and the Center for Children and Families, our Palladio community will further not only this current research, but also to provide Dr. Narvaez and The Center access to our Global Parent Academy resources and our growing network of parent practitionersworldwide. We are commissioned to recognize and promote nurturing, developmentally sound, and relationship enhancing practices. 
Refer to Blogposts: 

1. Infant/Toddler Sleep: Call for Websites
2. Sleep Whisering 

We look forward to hearing from you through the blog made for you after you visit
http://ccf.nd.edu/symposium/


http://al.nd.edu/news/16831-research-shows-child-rearing-practices-of-distant-ancestors-foster-morality-compassion-in-kids/

Principles of Filial Research

Dear Parents in Practice,

This blogsite offers you opportunity to identify and practice recording logs/notes that 

• A ... reflect objective description of facts you observed, rather than
• B ... reflect jumping to conclusions, interpreting observations, or labeling too soon.

Visitors to the site are encouraged to read the example of in each category (A, B).  Next, recall a recent episode in your parenting life.  Record a Type A description. Contrast A with a possible Type B response:

Example #1.

A.  Twenty-eight month old female walked into the living room w/o adult supervision.  A dish of candy corn sat on the coffee table.  Mother raised her voice from the kitchen in the direction of the child, "Don't you pick up that candy! And get back here now! You better not be eating any! " The child returned to the kitchen in four minutes.  Her cheeks were bulging.  She was drooling. "I didn't," the child said to her mother.

B.  A very cute toddler named Felicia made a bee line for the living room to grab some forbidden candy while her mother yelled at her not to.  The mom just let her go and kept yelling at her from the kitchen.  What did she expect from the toddler?  All kids love candy.  She's teaching her kid to lie, by the way.  It's surprising how early kids can learn to lie!

__________________________________________________________________________________

Your turn...

Internships Available with Parents Conducting Filial Research

At each level of your apprenticeship in the  Global Parents certification program, we have made it easy to  link with parents engaged in Filial Research.  As Retired Seniors from fields in which you advocated for children and families, you offer unique gifts to the world of young parents, to our world in general.  Matching your background, expertise, gifts and needs with the best internship experience is our intention and goal.  

• Since four levels of internship are required throughout your certification program,  it is crucial to keep abreast of the descriptive postings online.  This electronic format is much like EHarmony, Match.com and similar electronic people networks.  

• Contact the particular Center for Research listed below each entry of interest for further information, interviews, and evaluation.  A wide range of home circumstances however lead to various levels of challenge during the four stages of your apprenticeship. 

• Our process aims to provide you with research opportunities that are within your independent Zone of Proximal Development.   Please set up an appointment at your earliest convenience to find placement in a peer coaching team. 

Sleep Wispering

Kelly wrote in that 18 month old Justin is able to climb out of his crib.  If he isn't "ready" to go to sleep,  he simply attemps to leave the crib.  It can take Kelly up to an hour -cajoling, talking to, reading to, etc. to keep Justin in his room, in his crib, before he goes to sleep.

It's important here to begin gathering more information before prescribing help.  A more encompassing view of Justin's make-up and Justin's environment helps to reduce a sense of urgency that naturally occurs when we expect a quick fix.  A more spacious view allows us to reset our approach to child-rearing.  One of child-study can emerge instead.

Self-knowledge and child-knowledge flourish with such a disposition.  Child and parental frustration can ease as we examine variables surrounding Justin's life, developmental directions/needs, and family life.  Reliable and more workable options emerge to further explore. Professionally speacking this endeavor is called "Filial Research."

While parents engage in study and carefully examined practice, they might benefit from consulting our network of Global Parents, seeking internships.  They are trained to assist, guide, collect data, and offer respite care to parents engaged in Filial Research.  Many are retired teachers, social workers, or long-terms grandparents.  To get started, call today for consultation and support.
In the meantime, plan to keep a notebook and enter  daily logs around the following areas:

Look for precipitating events, stimulus-response connections.  
Compare evenings that "go well" with those that don't: 
Let's make note this week around emerging differences in your child's  experiences of people, places, things, routines. Don't jump to conclusions or interpretrations of recorded details.  Make objective notes that describe behavior, rather than label or interpret.
More questions may reveal some obstacles to infant/toddler readiness to sleep...
Is s/he napping/resting/inactive too much by day?
Is s/he eating foods w sugar anytime during day, or evening?
Is s/he getting lots of physical activity, hugs, peer play by day, ?
Is s/he spending enough active engagement time out in fresh air?
Is s/he getting enough time w mommy/daddy/soothing music?

Have you removed access to tv, video, stimulating visual/auditory after three oclock?

Does his/her caretaker schedule allow thoughtful observation of natural sleep-awake cycles? Metaphorically speaking, infant and toddler cylces resemble the waning and waxing moon.  Knowing the signs, the indicators of need for stimulation vs saturation is crucial among your child's caretakers.  It is important that s/he is getting enough stimulation during the awake phase...as well as  not being over-stimulated as her awake phase fades.

  

Infant-Toddler Sleep: Call for Websites

At the last meeting of Global Parent Network, we identified our collective need to deconstruct  "sleep training" practices.  A culture of sleep training has emerged based upon a medical physician's well-marketed text, and parents desperate to sleep through the night.  

Child Development Specialists, Social Workers,  Intervention Specialists, Early Childhood Educators and very widely-read novice parents have continued over the decade to express deep concern around "sleep training"  practices.  Now, the growing body of brain research deserves our full attention with regard to the likely effects of "sleep training."  Developmentally sensitive means must be explored nation-wide in order to better educate and support  babies and parents.  We are developing a blog forum for gathering and sharing caring, developmentally sound, and brain sensitive information/practices.  Our blogsite is  entitled,  "Sleep Whispering."

It is Global Parent's mission to study, practice, conduct research, and educate parents and those considering parenthood around the world.  As professionals committed to healthy bonding, developmentally enlightened practices, and expanding our capacity to share healthy options worldwide, we agreed make infant-toddler sleep our clinical and research issue for this professional year at Palladio.  Our commitment is to delve deeply into both extant research, and conduct current collaborative discipline research.  This makes access to tappong into clinical experiences of practitioners and their personal networks worldwide.  

Please share this All Call with your network connections before this Sunday's DinnerFest.  During DinnerFest, our focus will be 

1. the range of states and countries contacted
2. variations in contact approaches to derive the greatest response worldwide
3. appreciating you for your professional commitment to the health and well-being of parents and children world-wide.  Children now and children to come will prosper further than in previous times because of our advocacy.

Getting the kids off to school on time ... or not: TIMERS!